53/100 days of emotional badassery - In which we prepare for future badassery

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels
Here it is. My last post before my 5 days break. 
 
I’m feeling very nervous. I never took a willing break in a 100 days project, or any challenge for that matter. Only breaks because I had overdone it, and never for that long (even if it's only 5 days). I’m terrified to not get back to it, not having the strength to. 
 
But at the same time, I’m very relieved and grateful for that pause. I’m frustrated by my writing right now. I feel like I’m going nowhere valuable with it anymore. That this is not what I want to do with it. And at the same time, this was what that project was all about : exploring what I wanted from my writing. Which means facing what I don’t like about it too.
 
I’m not scared to write anymore, at all. Which is HUGE progress. It’s not that hard to sit down and write either. It’s a bit difficult to do it everyday, but really not my main issue. My main issue is the form. My writing is not conveying what I want it to. And I’m also not sure about what I want it to convey exactly.
 
I’m running in circles right now. Looking a lot like this.
 
 
Fortunately, I’ve learnt that frustration is very valuable information. It’s telling me I need change, I need a shock to my system : that what I am doing is not aligned with what I deeply want. 
 
I hope the break will offer me some clarity, another perspective. 
It’s partly why I decided to make it a complete media deprivation. 
No internet (well, this one wasn’t in my control), no books, no entertainment whatsoever. 
 
Only me, connection with my favourite person and nature. I’m also bringing my paints, colored pencils and journals to keep it analogue for a week and to play with 2 things I’ve never done : painting things outside and drawing on site what the beautiful island we’re going to is going to inspire me with. 
 
Calm, newness and no distraction tend to do wonders both for our mental health and creativity. 
I’m looking very much forward to this part! Completely freaking about the others. 
 
After that, I also have a side project I have been toying with in my mind for a while.
I have no idea where it’s going to take me, but I’m very excited by it. I have a few creative mentors I really love. Authors I’m reading because they make me a better artist and find more joy in my art.
Right now, joy is exactly what my writing is lacking for me. It has some, because writing always is joyful to me, but there's a spark lacking.
 
So I decided to go back to one of them. Austin Kleon wrote 3 amazing books about creativity. I bought the third one a couple of months ago but haven’t read it yet. His first two books were fundamental in the building of my creative practice. I want to go back through them. And reads the third one in the process.
 
So here’s my plan : in November, I will talk everyday about creativity and life, because I think both are strongly linked. I’ll post everyday one of the 10 principles in each of Austin’s books on my Instagram, and a photo or any visual about the prompt. Some will be some of my texts, others will probably be photos, illustrations, whatever I’m fancy. I call it “30 days of Kleon”. 
 
I’m very excited about this project, and hope it’ll help me find more joy in my writing. I also hope it’ll help me post everyday (or at least most days) on Instagram, which I find very hard, but would like very much to be able to do. All of this is slightly scary, but already fills me with joy. I’m hopeful.
 
Love,
L.

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