47/100 days of emotional badassery - In which life gets more surprising when we let it

Photo by Mpumelelo Macu on Unsplash
It’s the fourth day of that little experiment of living without social media. And it keeps being full of little surprises and nuggets of greatness. I love how changing things up, even (especially?) for a little period of time, helps us see things differently.
 
I’m stunned by how much calmer I am, even if I’m also a bit restless. Sleep is so much easier too.
 
I’m very reflective. Now, reflectiveness is a very natural state for me, it’s not like I am never reflective, but lately, I’m VERY reflective, as if my head had so much more space and was taking it. It’s also so much easier to be in the present, not thinking, not planning or problem solving, just be. 
 
It’s a bit messy, because the summit I’m participating to is using a Facebook group to communicate. I am more drawn than I would like it to to check where the discussions are at. 
 
Since we are having difficult and important conversations, I’m concerned about my words, if they were understood, not hurtful etc… My usual stories often running through my head.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"Did I do something wrong?"
 
I’m checking my email way more. I’m thinking about getting their app off my phone too. 
WhatsApp is also getting my attention more, since it’s different, I can really feel how it’s compulsive. 
 
Part of me is actually looking forward to next week where I’ll have no Internet at all, to see what difference it’ll make.
Or just Saturday, so the summit is finished and Facebook is completely off my radar. 
 
Like each time I’m getting off something I’m using somehow compulsively, I have suddenly a sense of having much more time. To also have the possibility to choose more of what I’m doing with it. 
Today, the only times I felt like time had been stolen from me was after using Facebook, even in a mindful and meaningful way. 
 
I painted way more than usual. I wrote more easily and fluidly. I prepared some posts for future IG posts without any struggle. I’m honestly wondering why on Earth I’m using social media so often. I'm so sad to know this won't last when I get back on it.
 
I want to find a way to make that time more structured and controlled in the near future. That should be an interesting journey too. 
My new part time job and another project I’ll be working on soon should make that easier.
 
More clarity was on the menu too. It’s so much simpler to have clarity when our mind is less busy. Things seem to resolve by themselves.
 
And believe me, if you can’t feel, I can assure you, and so can tons of scientists who study it : our apps and Internet keep our mind constantly busy and never bored at the time. A very dangerous combination, leading to many issues including a deep lack of creativity (here’s one TED talk on this).
 
Today, an even bigger surprise came in too. 
With the help of a discussion with my former supervisor, I decided to look into a way to maybe start a thesis, so I have a way of putting all my learning into one place, structured in a way I can’t get to by myself, and under the guidance of someone more experienced to facilitate that titanic work. 
 
It will probably not be in psychology (something I never thought I'd say in a million years), because that would ask me to choose a tiny box to fill with a whole world, but ideas about other disciplines that might be willing to explore this whole tiny world were pinpointed. The will to write a book was also reinforced to accompany this endeavour, complete it, although its focus is still too blurry right now. 
 
Last week, I was feeling way more lost about what I wanted to do next. And a thesis was completely out of the question for years now, because of the tiny box issue. So I’m pretty sure I have this break to thank for its help too. 
 
I cannot wait to see what other surprises this retreat has in stock for me.
 
Love,
L.

Contact form

Please fill out each field if you want to send me an email :