30/100 days of emotional badassery - In which we explain why

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Wow. A month of daily writing already. It wasn’t easy everyday, but I am so happy I made it so far. It’s my second 100 days challenge spent writing, and it’s so much easier. Not much has changed in my life since last year, and yet, so much is different.
Last year, I started writing this because I could feel myself getting crazy, I did it to keep my sanity. 
This year, I started it because I was pissed off not about not allowing myself to give my purpose all I had. I felt like I was betraying myself, and going in circles because I didn’t write. 
There is something incredibly powerful in intention rooted in our core values. Doing exactly the same thing for different reasons is very very different in the meaning and the impact it has on our life.
My reason why I wanted to do this isn’t the only thing that changed my intention of doing this challenge. 
Last year, I had just moved to New Caledonia, I was lost and exhausted. I was completely lost on what I would be doing for the next year.
This year, I did a training to change my practice as a therapist, which helped me work on the next steps I wanted to follow as a therapist. I realized I wanted to take my practice to the next level by working with leaders and helpers, people having more impact on others, to help them make the world a better place. Over the years, that’s the place I kept ending up in that brought me the more joy, that was challenging in the best sense. 
That training also reinforced the certainty and the will I have to write in the future. I’m not sure exactly what, only that it will be about being human, and how to do it by being as fully ourselves as possible and by strengthen all of our relationships in the most fiercely loving way. 
So this challenge is also about exploring what I enjoy writing about, and how, and keep pursuing that goal in a more serious way than ever. 
Of course that also strengthens my will to do it day in, day out, even when it’s hard, even when I don’t want to. 
And because I’m a person making a lot of links all the time about everything, sometimes in the most bizarre ways, I have other reasons woven in. I’m doing challenges regularly because badassery creates more badassery. The more we do hard things willingly, meeting our edge lovingly, and pushing gently, the braver we get, the stronger we feel, the more confident too. But my other challenges don’t give me as much satisfaction as writing challenges do. 
Painting challenges are super fun, because I love painting, but they drain me too much. I don’t want to choose, painting gives me life and inspiration as well. 
But if I have to choose, writing everyday beats painting everyday. That’s also why I’m here and not painting everyday, which I tried by the way. But after 30 days I get drained and depleted. It asks me too much energy, so much that I can’t get myself to write, and then I lose my precious balance.
Finally, I needed to show myself in public, and chose Instagram to do so, because it’s a platform I really love and follow tons of wonderful therapists onto. But writing for social media only brings me tons of frustration and depresses me. I feel like I am losing my time and energy if all my writing is to be read for 3 days and then forgotten into the swirling rabbit hole that is time on social media. 
I am an avid reader and a passionate lover of books. The idea that my writing has such a short shelf life brings a deep sadness in me. One day, I want to be a writer that ends up on actual shelves, that people might read several times if they find my words inspiring. Social media was a good practice. Blogging is already a stepping stone towards that dream, I leveled up and dared to “publish” my thoughts. Writing everyday feels like someone going to practice everyday in order to become a professional at what they truly dream of doing.
So here, my dear warrioring hummingbird, if you ever wondered why or how I do it everyday : because I really really want it, and tried so many times to do it in smaller ways, advancing towards my goals almost as much as I was avoiding to go there full force, that frustration became stronger than fear and I listened.
I hope you give your dreams similar attention.

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