Today, I had to take big risks for me, and start sitting into the unknown. I feel all small, scared and fragile. So I wrote a letter to my inner child.
Every time we start something new that matters, you feel the same.
You are scared, disoriented, you don’t know if we’re doing the right thing or if we’re doing it right. You don’t know if we’re allowed to. If we aren’t taking space that we don’t deserve. You don’t know if we’re up for it, if we are enough, if you got what it takes.
Please know, my dearest, that this is all normal. That this is all part of living in a society that makes us believe that we are only what we do, what others can see and number. That chooses to ignore we are so much than that. A world that believes in duality and is deeply scared of any ambiguity and complexity.
You are multitudes.
So much more than a few numbers and judgements of people who never dared to dive into your inner world.
You carry in you each time you brought light to anyone.
Each moment of joy you ever felt.
Each time you were sad to be or see someone hurt.
Each spark of anger in front of injustice.
Each time you we’re scared and did that thing anyway.
Each time you fell, and got back up anyway.
Each time they showed you love.
Each moment that touched your heart.
Each smile you gave.
Each time you were gentle when they told you that kind was weak.
You fear that you’re scared because you’re not good enough. When my dearest, you’re only terrified to want more.
Scared of your own power, of your inner fire.
Scared to be right to be outraged by a world that doesn’t love its people.
Scared to have stayed too small for too long, to not know who you are out of this little box they tried to put you in all that time.
What if I fail? What if you do? You’ll get back up again. Failure is only failure if you stay down forever. Take your time if you get beaten up, but get back up. I’ll be here.
What if I’m wrong? What if you are? You’ll learn from it. Anyone who knows anything was once ignorant. Take your time if you get lost, just don’t forget to get back to your curiosity. I’ll be here.
What if they all ignore or reject me? What if they do? Since when were your true people anywhere but in your corner? That’s how we spot them. By telling our truth, and see who is staying and who is joining. It’s heartbreaking to lose those we once believed were ours, but nothing hurts like betraying ourselves by not listening to what our heart needs. She knows. All along, she knew. Take your time if you get lost, but come back to her. We’ll be here.
What if I risk it all? Anything you truly lose wasn’t yours to begin with, or you were just finished with it. There is more than what you have, but you sometimes have to risk everything to get what’s truly yours. You belong to yourself, the only place that will never get lost, even when buried. Take your time if you get lost or if you wander, but come back home. I’ll be here.
The truth is, my Love, we can’t prevent hurt, because it’s part of being alive. It’s the part which teaches you what happiness is when you have it in front of you or when you get to touch it from the tip of your fingers. So I can’t protect you from pain, nor should I. But I will always be here to hold you and go through this with you. And no matter what is in front of us, we will get through it, and sometimes, even better, we will grow through it.